fat, fatter and getting fatter

I have no idea how to loose weight. I read the books, I try and try, but somehow, somewhere I am going wrong. To the conclusion, that I will die younger than I need to, and will need medications, and be looked at and laughed at by people. My whole family is thin, what am I to do? I just looked at this lumpy, ugly mess of what was once a beautiful and desired body, this lump of fat is disgusting and I just want to cut it into pieces and feed it to the fire. I wonder if all the unwanted stress has something to do with it, and changing countries and foods so radically different from what I was use to, could play some role in this lump of lard? I'm afraid that if I die I won't be able to be cremated, because I will be too big to be put in the oven? Oh God, I'm so claustrophobic, I'm dreadfully afraid to be put into a box and buried, my hands become like ice when I think of it. Maybe I should start smoking, smokers all look so thin. But yuk, the smell is enough to put me off.

flustration in organisation

I think I am starting to understand why so many people are so terrible messy. It takes time, and really "waste of time" to put things in order. I can see the advantage in keeping the house up, but gosh oh mighty, these computer passwords, and sites, blogs, web pages, g-mails, it takes days to get the in order. No wonder the dummies use american-on-line, it's dummies for dummies. I have been trying for days to get these damn codes in order and I'm in ever so big of a rush to go see the grandkids down south that I think it might be to my advantage to get back to snail mail, write, stuff, lick, drop it in and its off. sounds like sex in my hay days.

Five Knees

Just woke up with knee pain and I asked Robie to rub my knee cap, and I turned over so he could do the other four as well, and became frustrated as I couldn't find my other 3 knee caps, I was so confused where they were when suddenly I remembered I had 10 toes and only 2 legs and I was getting my 5 toes on each foot confused with my knee caps. I know it doesn't make any sense, maybe this is the beginning of memory lane going round the bend. I can be thankful for only 2 knees, I'm spared the pain of the other 3.